


my desire begins and ends with you

by KayNight



Series: never stopped loving you [4]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: (not involved with the smut), Angst, Communication, Developing Relationship, Dirty Talk, Drinking, Enthusiastic Consent, Established Relationship, Frottage, Hand & Finger Kink, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining, Relationship Negotiation, Relationship Reveal, Relationship Study, Rimming, Romance, Smut, Temporarily Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-12-27 05:54:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21113774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KayNight/pseuds/KayNight
Summary: “It’s embarrassing that I want you more than you will ever want me.”Felix couldn’t look at Dimitri, wouldn’t look at him. But Felix could hear the sharp intake of breath.“Is that really... what you think?”Felix didn’t respond, his silence answer enough.--In which Felix lets slip certain things meant to remain unsaid and Dimitri does his best to dissuade his lover of some of his more foolish assumptions about their relationship - by any means necessary.





	my desire begins and ends with you

Surveying the wreckage before him, bodies littered across the smoky field, dozens more undoubtedly within the woods in his periphery, Dimitri once again questions when this war will be over. 

He knew he would be cleaning up the remnants of the Empire for years to come, but he was only months into this effort to solidify his control over the continent and he was _ weary _. 

He had been fighting since he was fifteen years old and had never stopped, but it was now, with a clear head and a vision for the future, that the immensity of it all weighed on him. If it hadn’t been for his friends, his kingdom, his renewed purpose in life, his knees would have buckled under that weight just as they had five years ago. His hyperfocus on vengeance for those years had been nothing more than blinders, sheltering him from the true needs of the ones he loved, of the living, and of his own desires. 

While those nine years of life had been excruciating, a noose around his neck of his own making, the task he had set for himself then was nothing compared to this one. But he was far more well equipped to handle his burdens now than he had ever been before, and Goddess willing, he would remain that way. 

Dimitri was pulled away from his musings by a figure approach him from the east, through the main thoroughfare of the battlefield. It was Ingrid, her pegasus grounded beside her due to the smoke choking the sky above them. The fire demon summoned by the dark sorcerers had done its best to ruin what was once a peaceful valley. 

Ingrid’s face was far from one of victory, her mouth a thin pale line and brow furrowed. Concerned, but not despairing or angry, Dimitri quickly catalogued, stifling his own twinge of anxiety at the sight. She approached briskly, gracing his with a quick bow once she had reached him. He nodded his head in return, forever uncomfortable with the level of deference she maintained with him. 

“What is the cause of your unease, Ingrid?” 

“Your Majesty. Felix has gone missing…” 

Dimitri stiffened and swallowed hard to suppress the fear that rose in his throat. The exchange that followed passed in a blur, Dimitri focusing on nothing but the information and cutting out any emotion. It would do absolutely no one good if he rushed to conclusions before taking in the full picture. 

“No one has seen him since you took down the demon, Your Majesty. Ashe says he last saw him heading towards the grove southwards, by the riverbend… It seems as if the commander, along with a few of his captains, fled that way after the battle started turning against him - right before you landed the killing below. Both cowardly and dishonorable. Felix must have followed them.”

“But that was nearly half an hour ago...”

“Yes, Your Majesty.” 

“It should not take more than one third of that to return.” 

“Yes… Your Majesty. I am worried that the demon’s fire attacks may have lit the grove ablaze - with all of the smoke still covering the field, it is difficult to tell where the source ends and begins. It is possible that Felix…” 

The terror that been unfurling under his skin tensed his muscles in a death grip and Dimitri frantically struggled to keep his breathing under control - _ don’t panic, don’t fucking panic, he’s fine, he’s always fine, he wouldn’t leave me, he wouldn’t _ \- 

\- _ he has been taken from you just like all the others, you said you were better now, you said you were stronger, you said you knew what needed to be done, you said that you could be King that you could protect them, you fucking liar, you fucking _ ** _monster_ ** -

Dimitri let out a snarl, frightening Ingrid into taking a step backwards, green eyes widening in the fear that had never truly left her in his presence. Her reaction went unnoticed by Dimitri, who countered his disquiet with righteous rage directed inwards. He would not - !

Dimitri twisted his lance, embedding it blade-side down in the blood soaked earth and resting his clenched hands on top of the pommel. He ignored Ingrid and took a deep and steadying breath, closing his eye and embracing the familiar darkness he was greeted with. _ Breath eight seconds in, six seconds out. Let go of the anger, the fear, the guilt; they won’t help you now. Keep breathing. _

When Felix decided to give himself over to Dimitri, give _ all _ of himself, he had done so with the understanding that Dimitri knew Felix’s greatest fear, his most abhorred possible future: Dimitri, consciously or unconsciously, would assign warped meaning to Felix’s death and memory as he had with so many others. That Felix, who had helped claw Dimitri back to the realm of the living, would be relegated to the very hell he had pulled the other man from. 

When Dimitri had been confronted with this, the clench of Felix’s jaw and the ferocity of his gaze, Dimitri had been unable to lie, neither to himself nor to Felix, about the possibility of a relapse if Felix was taken from him. There was no point in doing so; it was not as if Felix would believe him and it would be nothing short of an utmost betrayal of Felix, and himself, to even consider deception. 

But what he could do, he told both himself and Felix, is become a man who cut down the odds of that future every day - in learning how to love Felix and himself in a way that made them both better, in building a realm free from violence and atrocity, and in being a part of the family the years had formed for them. 

Dimitri did not know what calculations or methods of judgement Felix used in that moment, but he will be grateful, long after he leaves this earth, that Felix looked at him, listened to him, and found that for the first time, in quite a long time, that Dimitri was not wanting. That Felix trusted him with this much, to throw his future in with Dimitri’s. 

He could not betray that trust now. He refuses to betray it. 

Breathing under control, voices silenced, Dimitri snapped his open his eye and released one long sigh. 

“My apologies if I startled you. I am sure he will be back soon enough. Where are Mercedes and Lysithea? Ashe and Dedue have gone to secure the eastern edge of the woods, so we are ready to begin the retrieval of the wounded and asses casualties.”

Ingrid blinked in poorly concealed surprise, relaxing her grip on the reigns of her beast and shifting out of what was one motion away from a battle stance. Dimitri felt the pang of shame cut through his body like a knife, but pushed it aside like he did with all wounds inflicted upon him. Focus, focus, _ focus _. 

“Mercedes has set up camp back by the river with Manuela, and Lysithea is headed our way now, Your Majesty.”

“Alright, send a runner to get Annette, she should be assisting Mercedes. If Mercedes can spare her, I will ask her to check out the river grove to see if she can hunt down Felix, while Lysithea begins to clear the field. Annette should be able to handle whatever the fire throws at her.”

Ingrid gave him a quick nod, all discomfort clear from her face. This is what he was supposed to do, Dimitri reminded himself, relieve the burden of those around him and provide purpose with his direction. Ingrid swung herself into her saddle, giving her pegasus a quick pat on the neck before they set off at a canter. She flashed him a small smile as she passed him and Dimitri heaved a sigh of relief as he watched her go, reflexively tightening and loosening his grip on his lance in turn. 

Dimitri held no doubt that Felix would not have agreed to a relationship if he himself was not certain of Dimitri’s understanding of his own purpose in life - to fight for the living, and not be bound to imagined whims of the dead. Even so, acknowledging the risk allowed them to better address and prepare for it, which is why Dimitri had forced himself to continue his lonely watch on the field, grounding himself in directing battalions to clean up and others to treatment. He would not fail Felix, not again - he would not fail himself. Keep a clear head, assess the situation, map out the possibilities. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. 

Aware of all of this as he was, it did not stop Dimitri from being absolutely fucking _ terrified _. 

Not even ten minutes passed before Dimitri heard approaching footsteps from behind, and he turned to greet Annette - who was not alone. Sylvain and Ingrid had all chosen to accompany her, and their presence set him on edge. He had been trying so hard to not give too much credence to his fear, but it was clear he was not alone in his concerns. From where he stood he could see that their expressions were grim, Annette’s laced with well-controlled panic. 

But as he watched them approach, a wave of change washed over them - a small smile from Ingrid clashing with Sylvain’s toothy grin, and Annette’s eyes were wide and bright with relief staring at whatever lay beyond him to the left. Towards the grove - towards where Felix - Dimitri whirled around and choked as he saw a figure emerging from the trees. 

Felix appeared almost wraithlike as the smoke clung to his armor and made his skin gleam pale against the grime and blood covering it. He was dragging his left leg behind him and wearing a mighty a fierce scowl. Dimitri felt every muscle in his body tense and then immediately relax, letting out a shaky breath only he could hear that was centimeters away from a sob. 

Before any of them had a chance to even react, Dimitri was sweeping forward, crossing the thirty-something meters between them in what felt like seconds. No hesitation, he bundled Felix into his arms as if he alone could act as a shield between Felix and the rest of the world, carefully minding the stiff way his lover was holding himself. 

Buried in Dimitri’s arms, face curled into his neck, Felix grumbled a soft, and almost a little sheepish, “sorry for making you worry”, to which Dimitri just gently tightened his grip further and shifted their weight so that Felix was putting less of his own on his battered leg. 

Dimitri just exhaled shakily, fisting the cloth of Felix’s cape in a white knuckled grip and turning his face to press a fierce kiss to the crown of Felix’s head. Felix was trembling slightly in his arms, coming down from the adrenaline of the fight and struggling against the exhaustion undoubtedly sweeping over him. 

“That is all that I did. Worry.”

“Good. You did good.” 

They just breathed for a moment, soaking up each other’s warmth and steadfastly ignoring the blood splashed across their clothing and coating their skin. Dimitri was certain that the others had rushed forwards the same as him once Felix had appeared, but there was no sound of footsteps approaching them - just the crackling of the fires sweeping the grove behind Felix. It seemed like their friends saw fit to leave them to this moment, even if they did not know the depth of its meaning. 

Some days Dimitri could not even count the blessing he had been granted in this life. The comfort of Felix in his arms and his friends at his back, just meters away, helped steady Dimitri and silence any rumblings in the back of his mind that had threatened to rear their ugly heads. He was not alone, he had never been alone, he will never be alone again. _ Breathe _. 

“What happened?” Dimitri managed to get out after a few moments, turning his face to press Felix’s wild tangles to his cheek. Felix grunted something in Dimitri’s arms and shifted to bury himself even deeper into the taller man’s neck, nuzzling at the fur collar of his cloak. Dimitri caught the tell tale signs of a flush on Felix’s cheeks - from the heat of the battle or his next words, Dimitri was not sure. 

“It’s nothing... just fucking embarrassing is all. Got ash in my damn eyes and the bastard got a lucky hit in after I had taken down the rest of them. Twisted my stupid ankle on the river bank and then killed him. Took forever to wrap the damn thing and find a way through the blasted woods that wouldn’t burn me alive. All because of my fucking ankle... Tell anyone else and you’ll be joining him in the river.”

Dimitri gave a weak laugh and loosened his grip on Felix’s cape, shifting to rub soothing circles into the taut muscles there. Dimitri felt the tension leave his lover’s body as Felix leaned into the touch, allowing himself to be fussed over. Dimitri was so grateful he was allowed this, that Felix let himself be vulnerable like this.

After a few moments of steadying themselves in the others’ presence, Felix gently pulled himself out of Dimitri’s grip. Dimitri murmured about getting him to Mercedes, and Felix nodded his assent, sighing heavily and leaning into the taller man as they set off. 

They were about ten, maybe fifteen, meters away from the others - close enough that even through the haze Dimitri could some of their features - when Felix abruptly stopped. He had kept his eyes on the ground for their entire walk, minding his footing and letting Dimitri guide him through the wreckage. 

“Felix?”

“I’m proud of you.” 

Dimitri’s face screwed up and he had to look away for a moment, swallowing hard at the rush of emotion threatening to overwhelm him. Felix just watched him quietly, at the emotions playing out over on his face - relief, shame, and just a touch of pride, of accomplishment. 

Felix reached up with the hand not tucked against Dimitri’s side to gently grab his chin, turning the other man back to face him. Dimitri was biting his lip, the beginnings of smile gracing his features and a suspicious sheen in his eye. 

“Thank you, Felix.”

Felix closed the space between them, sliding his hand up to curve around Dimitri’s cheek and thumbing at the glint of scars peeking out from under his eyepatch. Dimitri hummed at the touch and was smiling when Felix brought their lips together for a soft kiss. 

They both froze at the very distinct sound of a wolf whistle cutting through the air, and all the blood drained from Felix’s face. 

“Dimitri.”

“Yes, Felix?” 

“Is Sylvain standing. Right there.”

“Ah… yes. Along with Ingrid and Annette I believe… I thought you were aware of that?”

Anxiety creeped into Dimitri’s face as he sounded out the words, and Felix felt a lance of panic shoot through him. This was never how Felix would have chosen to reveal their relationship to the others, never how he would have imagined it - but he found himself not hating it all the same, and only hating the fear in Dimitri’s eye. 

“Oh... fuck it,” Felix muttered to himself, shooting a panicked look at the others before freezing Dimitri with a determined glare. He then proceeded to tug Dimitri down for what could only be described as a _ significantly _ filthier kiss than the one they had just exchanged. 

When they pulled away Dimitri was gasping for breath, eye wide and lips spit slick. He thoughtless tongued his bottom lip where Felix had nipped him and marveled at the sting. Felix was staring up at him with an indecipherable look, somewhere between pride and desire, and no small amount of relief, as if he had expected a different reaction. 

Dimitri missed all of this however, far too occupied with the shock of Felix intentionally slipping him tongue and gnawing on his damned lip right in front of all of their friends. 

Felix pushed up on his toes to press one last chaste kiss to Dimitri’s lips, wincing slightly at the pressure it put on his ankle. Dimitri returned the kiss before pushing gently on Felix’s shoulder, forcing him to shift his weight off his foot again. Aligned side by side once again, they turned back to face their fate - with Felix’s eyes fixed once again on their feet, and _ not _ on the source of the excited chatter meters away from them. 

“You’re not... ashamed?” Dimitri asked quietly after a moment had passed, uncertainty clinging to each word. A flash of confusion came over Felix’s face, the meaning behind the words not registering, and he looked away from their feet to glower at Dimitri. 

“What? Ashamed of what? I don’t know what you’re talking about. But now Sylvain knows about us-“

Dimitri cut his lover off with a laugh, half relief and half mirth, and Felix felt the larger man relax next to him, his chest easing with a breath Felix didn’t notice he’d been holding. 

“I would imagine he is going to be happy for us, Felix. At least, I hope so.”

Felix’s face darkened, “He’s going to be over the moon. You have no idea. That bastard’s the only one that knows I’ve been in love with you since before I knew what the words meant. He’s going to be completely unbearable, I’m going to have to kill him and leave his body for the vultures.”

Felix was so wrapped up in his threats he didn’t notice the astonishment that had come over Dimitri’s face. It was only the lack of chastisement for his words that made Felix look up and realize Dimitri wasn’t listening anymore. Instead, Dimitri was staring at him, the sharp cerulean of his eye stark against the streak of blood across his cheek. 

Felix realized what he let slip, and Dimitri gave him no time to back track, stuttering and pale, “You... you have been in love with me-“ 

Well, if he’s going to _ completely _ fuck himself in this moment, might as well own it. 

“Since we were children. Yes.”

“Felix-“

“Let’s... talk about it later, okay?”

“...Okay.”

They didn’t talk about it.

* * *

Dimitri is laughing, cheeks flushed, golden bangs messy across his forehead, and bright teeth flashing behind the curve of his hand.

_ Fuck. Oh fucking fuck, _ Felix despairs _ , he’s gorgeous _. 

Dimitri radiates happiness, from the wrinkle of laugh lines around his eye to the quake of his shoulders. Felix couldn’t tear away his eyes if he tried, he’s mesmerized, lost to the world. He’s seen cold winter sunrises from the spires of Garreg Mach, cloudless blue skies in summer over the open plains with no end, sunsets on the ocean where the horizon ceases to exist and the sea and sky bleed into each other. Felix has seen countless wonders of the natural world, but they are nothing but shadow compared to the man before him. The early morning sun personified, all gentle warmth and dappled light blessing the ground beneath it.

Then concern furrows that perfect brow, and Felix wants to smooth away the creases, brush his bangs out of his face, press a kiss to the slope of his forehead. Felix wants as he has never wanted before and it is _ overwhelming _ . This wasn’t just a Dimitri he had never imagined seeing again - this was Dimitri as a man, a better man, no _ King _, than he could have ever dreamed. 

“-lix? Felix? Are you quite alright? You look...”

“I’m fine, I’m fine. Just. Thinking,” Felix choked out before Dimitri could say something like lovesick or star struck or whatever his face was doing while he was lost in Dimitri’s eyes. Not his fucking fault.

Sylvain snorted, not buying that excuse for a second. Felix shot him the dirtiest glare he could muster and redirected his attention to the paperwork sprawled in front of him. Right. Finding the funds for new patrols along the major interstate arteries. Finances, running sums, sorting through the major houses’ taxes. Much more important than the fit of Dimitri’s tunic, the tight pull of it over those broad shoulders, the glimpse of collar bones from where it opened over his chest... _ Fuck _. 

Felix stood abruptly, smacking his hands down hard on the surface of the grand table in the conference room they had taken over. Both Sylvain and Dimitri startled at that, glancing up from their own projects covering the table. Felix pays them no mind, and grabs the half empty bottle of shitty vodka they’d been working their way through. 

“I.... need some air.”

Dimitri raised his eyebrow, torn between amused and worried. Felix wanted to tell him to shut the fuck up and hide that gorgeous annoying fucking face in a burlap bag but... he’s trying to be better these days, about not saying things he doesn’t mean. So he tolerates Dimitri’s companionable “finances truly are forsaken by the Goddess herself” and Sylvain’s too knowing “hope you find the peace you’re looking for” as he darts out of the conference room without a glance behind him. If he had, he would have seen Sylvain dissolving into snickers and Dimitri giving him a thoroughly unamused look as he returned to work.

* * *

Thanks to Felix’s unwavering efforts, they still had not spoken about his confession from weeks ago. 

Quite honestly, Felix before then had been so occupied by the affairs of the Kingdom and making sure their relationship did not self-immolate that he had given little thought to those almost ten years in which his affections were unrequited. 

However since then, since Felix saw the shock and uncertainty on Dimitri’s face, he had not known peace in this matter. Every time that Dimitri attempted to broach the subject, in every way from offhand to a serious sit down, Felix managed to find someway to dodge the conversation - and eventually Dimitri had just given up. The guilt was nagging at him; they had worked so hard to base their relationship on communication so they wouldn’t fuck it up - and here Felix was, fucking it up. 

But it was shameful, Felix thought, that for so many years he made himself a fool for a man who thought of him as nothing more than a good friend. That he longed and ached for more than Dimitri ever thought to offer him. The fact that his affections were now requited did not seem to factor into his feelings on this matter - unsurprisingly, as facts often are disregarded when it comes to irrational concerns. And so the two had dropped the subject altogether - though of course it had lingered in both of their minds, and for Felix, tinged more than a fair share of his waking thoughts.

Like now, for example, as he found his cheeks heated against the cool summer breeze on one of the castle’s many balconies. He had sought relief from that stuffy room, from the curl of shame that tugged at his guts every time he found himself lost in Dimitri. He was aware that he was not alone in his affections, not anymore, and Dimitri certainly gave Felix’s appearance and actions their own sidelong glances full of want... but part of Felix couldn’t help but categorize them as different, as lacking the same level of outsized desire, disproportionate need. 

In short, it was unbalanced, and the displacement of the weight of desire their relationship - at least how Felix perceived it - was suffocating him. His overinvestment was a weakness to be taken advantage of, he had decided. And any weakness was shameful. 

He slumped against the railing of the balcony before sliding down against it, slotting his legs through to dangle stories above the courtyard below him. Felix dropped the bottle of vodka carelessly next to him and pressed his forehead to the cool marble arches and breathed. The night air alleviated some of his distress, but did nothing to soothe that vice grip around his heart. 

He sat there for what must have been a quarter, no maybe a half hour, taking idle swigs of vodka and glancing at the stars. No view surpassed Garreg Mach when it came to the constellations, but this particular balcony, off the highest level of the library they had set up shop in, came quite close. He had almost reached peace with the night, with the humiliation still seething within him, when he felt a presence ascending the stairs within the tower - and then pushing through the iron door to the balcony. 

“Felix.”

He doesn’t know why he’s surprised, doesn’t know why when he glances round and gets a full vision of his lover backlit by torch light, golden hair luminous and single eye gleaming, his stomach swoops and heartbeat picks up. But he’s long past questioning it. It isn’t until Dimitri shifts on his feet, uneasiness crossing his face, that it occurs to Felix that he’s been staring. _ Again _. 

Felix scrambled to his feet before realizing how even more ridiculous that made him look, and felt his cheeks flush hot against the night chill. He had not drunk enough for this, he whines idly to himself, before admitting that with their tolerance levels, there was not enough alcohol in Fhirdiad to bring them to that level. He wasn’t even tipsy now, the vodka had done _ nothing _. There was a reason why they drank it while they worked - for the burn and nothing else. They were citizens of Faerghus; this shit was useless. Felix scowled at the bottle as if it had personally betrayed him, before glancing up to meet Dimitri’s inquisitive eye. 

“Is something the matter? Drinking alone is unlike you.”

Felix swallowed hard, mouth suddenly dry and snapping his eyes away from Dimitri to focus on the dancing flames behind him. Dimitri frowned. 

“Felix… please talk to me. I have felt a distance grow between us since that day we revealed our relationship to the others. I thought perhaps it was just my own imagination, my own fears… Do you - do you regret-”

“I can’t stop… I can’t stop staring,” Felix cut him off, not bothering to acknowledge the idiocy of Dimitri’s statement. He had no regrets about that day, save one. And it certainly was not revealing their relationship to their friends, nosy busybodies though they were. 

“Staring?” Clearly, this was not at all what Dimitri was expecting. His mouth slackened slightly, the furrow of his brow easing in surprise. 

“At you! At -”

“You just gestured to all of me.” 

“Yes! Because it’s all of you that I - that, makes me… It’s fucking embarrassing,” Felix choked out, hating how emotional he was already, that he couldn’t just get this out, get passed this silent agreed upon thing that had festered between them since that day on the battlefield. He turned away from Dimitri, gazing upon the battlements and the sky beyond them. 

Dimitri was silent for one long painful moment and Felix could almost hear the gears turning in his head, picking apart Felix’s every word to decipher whatever the fuck it was he was trying to say this time. Felix heaved a strangled sigh into the night, inhaling the cool air and tracing the night stars with tired eyes - anything to avoid the heavy weight of Dimitri’s gaze on his back. 

“Embarrassing that you... find me attractive?” Dimitri finally replied - the hurt tempered in his voice, but palpable in the restraint of his words. Felix did not need to turn to see the strain in his smile, the tense lines around his eyes, always preparing for a blow that would never come. It made something sick rise in Felix’s stomach, so that he spat out his next words like a curse, anything to dispel the awfulness of the situation. 

“No! Ugh! Everyone finds you attractive Dimitri, don’t be stupid. Literally anyone would have killed for you at the Academy,” - _ definitely could’ve phrased that better, but that applies for literally everything that leaves my mouth _, Felix thought, not kindly. 

At that Dimitri paused, and once again, Felix felt the shift in his mood, the relief that must have overtaken his features, but the confusion remained. Dimitri gave an eloquent, “um”, and spoke no further. 

“Shut up, you know what I meant,” Felix huffed, tightening his grip on the railing and tensing his shoulders. 

“I suppose I do, but that does not correspond to being able to string all of this together, Felix.” 

_ You and me both. _ Felix licked his lips and bit down hard, sucking in a breath sharply to suppress the disgust that was crashing over him.

_ Fuck it. _

“It’s embarrassing that I want you more than you will ever want me.”

Felix couldn’t look at Dimitri, wouldn’t look at him. But Felix could hear the sharp intake of breath. _ So I hit the mark, didn’t I _, he thought darkly, and resisted the urge to cry. So fucking embarrassing.

“Is that really... what you think?”

Felix didn’t respond, his silence answer enough.

Dimitri let out a sharp laugh, equal parts disbelief and derision, startling Felix into glancing up at the other man. Dimitri was covering his face with one broad hand, fingers tangling in his bangs and his eye closed tight. He huffed once, a bitter chuckle ripping past his lips. 

“Well, then clearly you are even stupider than I am! A real pack of fools we are.” 

Felix snorted, “Don’t try to make me feel better, you’re wasting your breath.”

Dimitri gave a low growl and yanked that massive hand away from his face, expression exasperated. He stalked across the stone floor towards Felix - who is no coward, but immediately pivoted away from the railing and made to move towards the door. Felix got as far as the tower wall - before being crowded up against it. 

Crowded is perhaps too strong a word; Dimitri had, as always since they began this barn fire of a relationship, left him plenty of room to escape. Felix scrunched up his face at that realization, that once again Dimitri was giving him out, he could just run back into the library and Dimitri would try again to pry a conversation out of him next week. 

It was that knowledge, and the fact that he’d already coughed up the worst of it, that made Felix cave. He pressed himself up against the wall, the torch mounted by the balcony door a meter away flickering shadows across his face. Dimitri eyed him quietly, and a look of understanding passed across his face. Felix was uncomfortably grateful that his acquiescence had gotten across.

Dimitri carefully placed a hand next to Felix’s head, closing the gap that he had intentionally left between them. Felix shuddered, but let it happen, still refusing to lean into the heat radiating from the body covering him. Dimitri huffed and shot Felix a pointed glare.

“Waste my breath for what? Trying to convince you of how much I desire you?”

Felix glowered, shifting his weight uneasily. 

“I’m not fishing for fucking compliments, Dimitri,” Felix growled, cornered and overwrought. His skin was on fire, Dimitri’s warmth setting every centimeter of his skin aflame. His cheeks were slightly flushed, eyes looking anywhere but Dimitri’s face —

“No, it appears that you are begging to be fucked, _ Felix _.” 

“That’s not - ! That’s not what this is about-“ 

“Is it not?”

Dimitri heard his heartbeat in his ears, felt every shift of the wind on his skin, the brush of his bangs across his forehead. Every sensation heightened as he watched those dark gold eyes give way to black and the flicker of pink tongue across perfect lips. 

_ Got him _. 

“Do you not want me to confirm how much I want you, how much I need you?”

Felix gathered himself, getting up in Dimitri’s space as only he could. Chin jutted out, eyes flashing in the torchlight, a snarl on his lips. Few in Fodlan could ever manage to bare their weight in a manner that could challenge their King. Felix truly was the only one who could do it and be as small as he was. _ Goddess _, did Dimitri love him. 

“Fine. Fine, fucking prove it then,” Felix spat, teeth bared fiercly even as Dimitri picked up the tremor in his shoulders, the tension in the line of his jaw - the anticipation woven into every muscle of his body. 

Dimitri grinned, baring sharp canines that flashed in the moonlight. Felix’s breath caught and his eyes widened, pulse spiking - 

“Gladly.”

And with that, Dimitri hoisted Felix up as if he weighed nothing and slid one thick thigh between Felix’s own - lining up perfectly with Felix’s now half hard cock. Dimitri pressed firmly up against the smaller man - providing Felix no recourse but to scrabble at Dimitri’s massive shoulders and ride up on his thigh. The pressure was sharp and sudden and so fucking sweet, Felix letting out a desperate gasp and curse. His fingers dug into Dimitri’s shoulders, nails cutting crescents into pale skin as he struggled to gain a grip, gain any sort of anchor on a world that had slipped away beneath his feet. 

Dimitri lent Felix no aid in his struggle, only pushing them closer to the wall and burying his face in Felix’s neck, breath hot and silky on sensitive skin. The knuckles of the hand he had on the wall went white with restraint, the other putting pressure on the dip of Felix’s back - centimeters away from his ass. 

“But first... would you like me to write a dissertation? A scholarly essay?” Only Dimitri would manage a tone that was both teasing and sincere, as if it was a joke to make the offer but he would follow through with no hesitation. 

He punctuated each question with loving nip to Felix’s pulse point (silently thanking the goddess the man had neglected his usual turtleneck for a loose blouse) before dragging his tongue down the curve of Felix’s neck. The slick heat made Felix gasp and squirm, which, in time with the gentle rocking of Dimitri’s thigh against his dick, sent a hot spike of pleasure through his body.

“I am perfectly happy to provide citations - dates and times of each night I lay awake thinking of your touch, every hour I lost in my life wondering how your lips would feel under mine, what you would sound like when you - !”

Dimitri cut himself off in favor of a punishing kiss, moving his hand from the wall to tug Felix’s hair loose with practiced ease. Dimitri wove his hand into the snarled mess, using Felix’s ensuing moaning to lick into his mouth. The dark tangles were still damp to the touch from the dip in the hot springs they had taken together after dinner, having been wrapped up for so long. Dimitri’s fingers slid easily through the strands and he hummed in pleasure at the soft feeling against his calloused skin. 

Dimitri loved kissing Felix, loved how his breath stuttered and caught in the back of his throat when Dimitri sucked on his bottom lip, dragged out a bite against the swollen flesh. Usually Felix would return as good as he got, but Dimitri kept his grip firm, holding the shorter man almost painfully still as he had his way with that beautiful mouth. 

Felix gave a pathetic whimper when one huge hand twisted the strands in its grip in admonishment for a display of cheek - trying to bite at the other’s lips. Instinctively, Dimitri moved his hand lower to grip at Felix’s ass, sliding down the supple flesh and hitching the man up higher on his thigh so that his arousal way pressed against Dimitri’s hip. 

Felix gasped at the increased pressure, eyes wide in shock and pink mouth parted so sweetly. Dimitri gathered himself, panting slightly at he watched Felix’s groan and lean further back into the grip Dimitri’s had on his hair. 

Felix made such a pretty picture, held up by nothing more than the grip Dimitri had on his hair and the dig of his fingers into the curve of that perfect ass. Dimitri darted forward to nip at the bob of his lover’s throat, suck love bites into heated flesh and move down Felix’s perfect neck to lave at his collarbones.

“Poetry? A poem for the length of your legs, the way they feel around my hips? For each callous and finger on your hand, how they feel wrapped around me, _ inside me _?”

“Please, fuck, Dimitri, stopping fucking with me - please, just let me - !”

Felix sounded like he was about to lose it - and Dimitri, to be fair, wasn’t much better off. But this wasn’t about him. 

“Tell me what it is you need, Felix, and I will more than gladly provide it.”

The noise that Felix made was inhuman, a strangled growl as he wrenched against the grip Dimitri had on his hair to bite at Dimitri’s chin, startling a laugh out of him. Dimitri just pushed the smaller man further against the wall, Felix shuddering and letting out a weak moan and he wrapped his legs on Dimitri’s waist - cock still lined up against his hip.

“Goddess - do you know much effort it takes for me to not just bend you over the table in the middle of a fucking council meeting? To not beg you to fuck me in the damn training grounds when you take me down? The way you smirk... and your hands on the hilt of that blasted sword. Saints above, your fucking _ hands _. They’re sinful, truly. Temptation crafted by the Goddess herself.” 

Said hands had been clutching rather uselessly at Dimitri’s shoulders throughout this whole affairs, clinging desperately onto the large man for a semblance of control. Come hours from now, Dimitri would certainly have bruises, the thought of which made his breath hitch on the delivery of his praise. At Dimitri’s words Felix choked, eyes wild and black, and he darted one panicked hand up to cover the other’s mouth in a desperate attempt to get him to _ shut the fuck up _. As if that would ever stop Dimitri, who continued his praise - muffled and only a little vindictive. 

“Oh, love - is your attempt to quiet me seriously covering my mouth with your hand? You really want to put your fingers where I can-“

Felix let out a frustrated groan when Dimitri proceeded to lick the length of Felix’s palm and capture two of his delicate fingers in his mouth - messy and wet and suffocatingly warm. 

Felix hesitated for a moment, rapt by the slick heat around his fingers, the muffled whine Dimitri let out around them as if they were all he ever wanted - before wrenching his hand out of the other’s mouth. 

_ Goddess, I’m consorting with a fucking demon _, Felix thought dazedly before rough fingers dragged him into a kiss, straining his neck and making his mind go blank. 

But Dimitri can’t help it, _ honestly _ . He’s obsessed with Felix’s fingers. At any given time he doesn’t know if he wants to be sucking on them, have them wrapped around his dick, or be fucking himself on them. It’s a complete disaster, _ he’s _ a complete disaster. Goddess, Felix really was the biggest fool in Fodlan to not have realized that already. Dimitri is _ anything _but subtle about it. Maybe Felix thinks that Dimitri is trying to put on a show when he asks for Felix’s fingers in his mouth when the other man’s rides him? That Dimitri can’t take his eyes off of Felix’s hands when he’s stroking him? That Dimitri literally came with his cock untouched the first time Felix fingered him? 

It isn’t until Dimitri hears a sob, a weak miserable thing, that he realizes he’s spoken that entire rant out loud. And certainly, by Felix’s reaction and dazed expression, eyes glassy and lips kiss bitten, he had appreciated the finer details of Dimitri’s speech. Ah. He’s close now. Dimitri knows that face, obsesses over it really. 

Dimitri abruptly slid Felix down his thigh, easily flipping the smaller man round to face the wall. Felix let out a disgruntled sound, ready to skin Dimitri alive for leaving him neglected before he felt clever fingers at the waist of his leggings. 

As their work had led them late into the night, Felix had shed layer after layer of his excessive trappings, leaving only his boots and leggings. Unbeknownst to Felix, Dimitri considered this lone combination to be _ incredibly _ indecent and had spent much of the evening frantically looking away whenever Felix rose to stretch. 

While hours ago he had been cursing Felix’s state of dress, Dimitri was now ridiculously grateful that all it took was two tugs to bare that gorgeous pale skin. 

Dimitri dragged his nails down the soft slope of Felix’s ass, grinning at the startled noise of pleasure the man let out. And then, without so much as a by your leave, he parted Felix’s cheeks and gave an experimental lick. 

Felix cried out, his whole body going rigid under Dimitri’s grip, back arching in a manner that must have been painful, fingers frantically scrabbling for purchase against the unforgiving wall. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, _ fuck - what the fuck are you -” _

Dimitri flattened his tongue, swiping hard over sensitive skin and mouthing a wet kiss to soft pink.

Felix whined, high pitched and desperate, pressing his overheated skin against the cool stone seeking any relief or stability in a world that no longer made sense. It was wet and hot and disgusting and felt fucking_ amazing. _ Only him, Felix thought desperately to himself. Only Dimitri would do something like this. 

“Do you understand now? Do you get it? How much I want you?” 

Kitten licks fast and quick, driving him out of his fucking mind. Felix couldn't think, he couldn’t do anything but rock backwards and whimper, choke on hot tears spilling down his cheeks and his own damn spit. He needs to come, needs to fucking come he can’t do this anymore, _ please please please please - _

“Felix, answer me, I need you to answer me.”

“Yes, yes, please Dima, _ please, I understand, I understand, I - “ _

“Good.”

One slick wet thumb pushing in, chased by tongue sliding in deep -

Felix’s knees collapsed beneath him. 

* * *

When Felix came to, he was settled in Dimitri’s warm lap, offsetting the cool wall behind him, and feeling better than he had in weeks. Their hands were intertwined between them, Dimitri rubbing one calloused thumb over Felix’s knuckles, which were bruised from the battle they lost with the wall. Felix tilted his head to rest against Dimitri’s chest, watching the slow movement of the huge fingers that held him so carefully, and soaking up the larger man’s warmth. He felt the low rumble of Dimitri’s chuckle before he heard it. 

“Good morning, beautiful.”

“What the fuck did you do to me?”

“Nothing you did not ask for.”

“Ugh… that’s fair.”

Felix groaned, leaning his head back against the stone behind him and giving up on hiding the brilliant blush on his cheeks. He just felt. So good. The look Dimitri was giving him, so overwhelming _ fond _ , made his heart skip a beat as if it hadn’t just nearly beat out of his chest minutes ago. _ Is that how I look when I stare at him _ , Felix idly wonders, and then the realization hits him like a ton of bricks. _ Yes, of course that is what I look like, he look at me the same way I _ \- 

Felix was torn away from his thoughts by Dimitri moving forward for a kiss and he panicked, instinctively throwing up his hand to cover Dimitri’s mouth and stop him in his tracks. 

Dimitri started cracking up behind Felix’s hand before swiping it away and leaning backwards to grab the bottle of vodka, still a good few mouthfuls left in it, that was propped up against the railing. It was there, with his back arched and throat bared, that he took a big swig of the spirits, swished it around his mouth vigorously for a minute and then spat it over the side of the balcony. After a splash across the sleeve of his shirt, wiped across his lips and fingers, Dimitri finished the rest off, gargled it, and then disposed of it as he did the rest. 

Felix observed the entire display in silent shock. He should _ not _ have found that attractive, he should _ not _ have found that attractive, he should _ not _ have found that attractive, he should not - _ that was so fucking hot - _

“Better?” 

“...you’re disgusting. You’re _ literally _ disgusting.” 

“Mmhmm, but you love it.”

Felix couldn’t even deny it, now scarlet from ears down and pupils blown. He made some sort of entirely incoherent garbled noise that even he knew not the meaning of, and finally let Dimitri press a soft kiss to his lips. 

They were quiet for a few minutes, just exchanging soft kisses, letting their sweat cool in the night air and just… well… cuddling, if Felix was forced to put a name on it. When Dimitri took a deep breath, puffing hot air down the slope of Felix’s neck, he knew that it was _ that _ time. 

“Are you ready to talk about it now?” 

In the months they have been together, they had come to an understanding. Sometimes Felix needed a little... _ help _, getting to open up. 

Emotional vulnerability was not easy for him after so many years of violently suppressing any thought or feeling he judged to be a weakness. The issue was not necessarily with his ability to put words to his emotions, but rather which words it was that he would choose. Even in explaining this fact, Felix struggled - but the core of it he managed to convey to Dimitri. 

Whether it was terror or anger or despair, his emotions twisted and warped the meaning of his words until they did more to offend than to explain. 

Felix was certainly capable of expressing himself and offering up wisdom to those who need it - he was not an advisor to the King merely out of lineage or relations, but for his honest intellect - but his methods often led to misunderstandings. 

So considering the delicate nature of their new relationship, and the amount of pain they had both endured already through miscommunication and bias… whatever measures were necessary to make Felix comfortable in properly expressing himself were of great importance and priority to Dimitri. 

So whether it was in the early hours of the morning, buried under the covers with sentiments only exchanged in whispers and muffled tears, or after a spar, weary and aching - with physical defenses down the emotional ones followed easier. Other times it was simply after sex, an act of vulnerability that neither had performed with another being, and therefore engaging in the act itself eased the way for unleashing whatever storm churned beneath. 

Both had agreed to keep their relationship secret from the others - and up until those weeks ago on the battlefield it had been - for the purpose of reaching understandings such as this one, without the pressure of external judgement or worries. 

They deeply loved and trusted their friends, but both still felt the need to maintain a certain image - one that would certainly impact their attempts at intimacy if they were pursued in the same public sphere (at least at first). If anything, and this they did not realize, their openness and commitment to honesty in their romantic relationship would, in time, spill out into their other relationships. 

They had decided that each should confide in one of their friends for safety and sanity - upon Dimitri’s insistence. Dimitri had chosen the Professor, and Felix, Mercedes. Felix didn’t even bother asking whether or not Dimitri would tell Dedue - and surprised Dimitri by suggesting it from the start. But Dimitri had refused to burden his friend with the complexity of their relationship - which Felix silently agreed with - but admitted he would not feel comfortable keeping it a secret from Dedue and received Felix’s permission to tell him. 

Dimitri had asked why Felix had chosen Mercedes over Sylvain, and Felix had felt guilt weigh upon him for half a moment before shaking it off. 

Too much history, he had explained, Felix had wanted as much impartiality as possible. Also having to seek Sylvain out for advice about his first (and hopefully only - though Felix kept that descriptor to himself at that time) relationship would literally be the worst thing ever to happen in Felix’s life. Out of everything that had happened to him, that would definitely be _ the _ worst. Dimitri had laughed loud and hard at that. 

So here they were, months later, tasked with another great hurdle in their relationship. They never would have gotten this far if it hadn’t been for those decisions they made together all those months ago, so Felix decides that once again, he must turn himself over to trust. 

Felix inhaled deeply and took that leap of faith, but could not bring himself to meet Dimitri’s eyes.

“I loved you,” a deprecating huff of breath, “no, I was _ in _ love with you for probably… ten years... before you even… considered me that way.”

Dimitri was quiet, his features still and eyes searching.

“Just because I loved you differently, Felix, does not mean I loved you any less in that time. Do you think the love of friendship and between romantic partners to be of a differing value?”

Felix snorted at that, flicking his eyes back to Dimitri’s own. Dimitri gave a lopsided smile, one edge of those red lips curled upwards in amusement. “No one who has ever seen you and Dedue together could doubt the power of the love between friends, Dimitri.” 

“Are you jealous?” Dimitri asked, all innocent curiosity, no accusation in his tone. This was how they had managed to get this far, Felix thinks quietly to himself. 

“No... he has you in ways I never will, and I have you in ways he will never either. Same I suppose goes for me and Sylvain,” Felix grimaced at the unconscious admission, drawing a chuckle from Dimitri who ran a hand through his own hair and hummed slightly. 

“I loved you deeply all those years, Felix. I thought of you as my partner in ways no one else was... even when you no longer wanted to be.” 

Those final words were said as a confession, quiet and vulnerable, and Felix felt emotion rise in his throat. _ Right _. Sure he’s been in love with Dimitri since he was a kid, but for how much of that time did he actually show it?

Felix let out a bitter laugh and blinked away tears, startling Dimitri who brought his hands up to cup Felix’s face and touch the damp corners of his eyes carefully. “Goddess, I’m such a fucking bastard. Whining about you not wanting me when I was nothing but a dick to you for all that time.”

At that, much to Felix’s surprise, Dimitri just laughed. 

“Felix, I can never blame you for the choices you made. I do believe that would be quite hypocritical of me, considering how many times you have chosen to forgive my actions.”

He paused then, his expression sobering and growing into something more contemplative. He brushed his thumbs across Felix’s cheeks, who leaned into the caress and sighed, the tension leaving his body at Dimitri’s words and careful touch. 

“We both… made poor decisions in those years in an attempt to protect ourselves. As Professor constantly reminds me, we were children in a world that would not let us be children... It should not have been our responsibility to repair a continent, and ourselves, which had been shattered by those who were to care for us. I am still struggling to accept my own regrets about that time, but…” Dimitri trailed off, gaze going distant. 

Felix let out a soft gust of breath, turning to kiss the palm of Dimitri’s hand and ending his reverie. Dimitri flashed him a quick smile at the gesture.

“If anything, Felix, I’m quite I’m jealous of you.” 

Felix raised one disbelieving eyebrow and Dimitri traced his pointer finger across it, getting distracted by the smooth dark hairs. Felix rolled his eyes and cleared his throat, causing Dimitri to flash him a sheepish grin.

“You got a head start on our relationship. You’ve gotten time to adjust to... wanting... me,” that last part was said with no small amount of disbelief, but with a steady smile, “Sometimes it can be quite overwhelming for me, how much it is I desire you in anyway you will let me have you.”

Felix barked out a laugh and brought one of his hands up to cover Dimitri’s, the different in size making something swoop low in his gut: “Over the conference table, huh?”

“You are much more exciting than reorganizing the judicial system.”

“Don’t lie to me, there’s nothing that gets your blood pumping more than abusing your powers to throw corrupt judges in some far off prison.”

“Well, if you are not more exciting, you still are more enjoyable and less depressing.”

“I’m flattered,” Felix said flatly, but not without humor. 

Dimitri hummed contentedly, before a flash of understanding came across his face. Well, understanding tinged with exasperation as their relationship was oft defined by. 

“Do you remember what I asked on the field that day, after you kissed me?”

Felix furrowed his brow, contemplating the question: “You asked if I was ashamed...?”

“You thought I meant your injury, didn’t you.” Dimitri heaved a sigh, world weary and ever tolerant. 

“I meant of us, of _ me _, Felix. I was asking if you were ashamed of showing me affection in front of our friends, revealing our relationship to them. You may be embarrassed that you feel like you are more vulnerable in this relationship because you have loved me romantically for longer - but I... sometimes still cannot even fathom that you would love me romantically at all. It seems quite foolish, that we both doubted each other’s affections and sincerity despite all these months that have passed... the obstacles we have overcome… Do you still have doubts about how much I want you?”

“No. I think the part where you made me come with your tongue in my ass really sold me on it,” Felix snorted, shaking his head at his lover is disbelief. “Still kinda feel like I hallucinated that...” he trailed off as he saw the look on Dimitri’s face, and the coloring flooding his cheeks. 

“Why are you blushing? You’re the one that did it!”

“It’s different in the moment!” Dimitri hissed, face absolutely scarlet where Felix could see it through his fingers. _ Unbelievable, he’s going to get embarrassed now? _

“You gargled vodka in front of me, Dimitri, that was certainly _ after _ the moment! _ ” _

Dimitri groaned and buried his face deeper into his hands, letting out a helpless laugh in spite of himself. Felix let him sulk for a moments before using his own hands to pry Dimitri’s away from his face, tangling them together and letting the rest between them on Felix’s thighs. Dimitri still wouldn’t look at Felix, his face ablaze, but at least Felix could see him no2. 

He hated to ruin this moment, the complete ridiculousness of the whole situation, but he needed to know: “Do you still believe I am ashamed to love you?” 

The blushed calmed on Dimitri’s cheeks, sharp teeth sinking into his bottom lip to worry away at the raw skin there. He glanced up after a moment to lock eyes with Felix before answering. 

“...maybe.”

Felix didn’t hesitate - ready for the answer even though it was not the one he wanted. 

“I’m not,” he said firmly, gripping Dimitri’s fingers in his own and maintaining that hellspawned thing known as eye contact. He could hear Mercie now - _ maintaining eye contact is one way to show your sincerity, Felix! _ \- and just to spite her, followed up with: “I just let you fuck me on a balcony when literally anyone in this blasted castle could have seen us.”

That swept the dour look off of Dimitri’s face, even if it had first lightened after Felix’s denial. A trace of a grin snuck across those lips and he let out a weary gust of air. 

“Felix, it’s easily two and one half hours past midnight. We have several hours before the shift change for the morning watch.”

Felix blinked, and glanced upwards and past Dimitri’s visage, trying to catch a glimpse of the moon. 

“Is it... truly?”

The silence that he was met with, amused and fond - if the gentle way Dimitri was rubbing his hands meant anything - made Felix turn back around. A smile twisted across his lips. 

“In my defense, I did spend the better part of the last however many hours admiring your face in the candle light, trying and failing to reallocate funding for another one of your blasted ideas, and then getting wrecked within a centimeter of my life by you, so you’ll forgive me if my sense of time is royally screwed.”

“I am going to overlook the pun in sake of the more important matter at hand. Are you telling me that you would let me fuck you on this balcony at a time during which someone could see?”

Now Felix was the one flushing, as Dimitri leered at him. That complete _ bastard, _ that definitely was not what he meant at all, I mean, _ sure _ he had thought that it was perhaps a quarter past eleven at the latest, and it did cross his mind that someone could have stumbled across Duke Fraldarius getting ravished by the King of all of Fodlan, but that was - “Absolutely not what I meant, don’t you dare-“

“Felix, then how am I supposed to be sure of your love,” Dimitri wheedled, blinking that one beautiful blue at his lover and sticking his lower lip out in a pout. _ Fucking menance. _

“_ I will end you _. You do realize I didn’t stop you once from,” Felix waved vaguely at the mottled mess his neck had become, “everyone is going to see this tomorrow, and the day after that, and - ! They’re all going to know where they came from, what they mean.”

“And what do they mean?” Dimitri quietly asked then, not bothering to hide his vulnerability despite his good humor. 

“That I’m yours. And I love it.” Felix scowled, eyes flashing in the torchlight and brow furrowed in determination - as if daring Dimitri to challenge him. As if Dimitri would ever want to. Felix licked his lips. 

“You have to understand Dimitri, you’re it for me. I never wanted anything in my life more than I’ve wanted you.” 

Dimitri’s lips trembled and he let out a shaky exhale, glancing away from Felix for a moment to gather himself, but there was no hiding the sheen of his eye. He was still looking away from Felix when he responded. 

“Not even to grow stronger?” 

Felix just smiled, soft and sweet, untangling on his hands to gently cup Dimitri’s cheek in his hand. He brushed away the gathering tears before moving to grab lightly at his chin, nudging the other man to look at him. Dimitri swallowed hard and obliged, sniffing a little when he saw the look on Felix’s face. 

“Dimitri, I will gladly never pick up my sword again if it meant we could always be together like this.”

Dimitri jerked in Felix’s hold and words spilled from his lips before he could even think of the best way to string them together: “I’d never want that for you. Ever.” 

Felix caressed Dimitri’s cheek and planted a kiss on his nose, laughing a little bit at the way Dimitri went crossed eyed trying to follow him. 

“I know. And that’s one of the reasons why I love you.” 

* * *

The sun was rising over the horizon, and part of Felix registered how completely fucked they were going to be for this new day, but he didn’t even care. At some point in the past few hours he had slid out of Dimitri’s lap to simply sit beside him, resting his head on Dimitri’s broad chest, their legs and hands entangled so that it was impossible to differentiate one man from the other. They had dozed off here and there, perfectly content to sleep on the hard marble when both had slept in far worse places. The beginning of pinkening across the sky roused both of them, and Dimitri brushed a kiss against Felix’s forehead. 

No, Felix regretted nothing. And then something occurred to him, causing him to let a rather undignified snort that interrupted Dimitri’s jaw cracking yawn. 

The taller man cast a sidelong glance at his lover, quirking an eyebrow: “What is it?”

“Mercedes is going to be so proud of us. Communicating. Talking about our feelings. Like adults. Disgusting.”

Dimitri chuckled and Felix’s could feel the vibrations through his back, tingling his fingers and sending warmth to the soles of his feet. He loved that sound. 

“She should make us some of her salted caramel cookies as a reward.”

“You can’t even taste them.”

“No, but you always get the caramel stuck in your teeth and all over your fingers, and then have to spend forever licking it off. It is quite cute.”

“Again with fingers? You’re insatiable.”

“Cute, I said cute! I’m not always thinking about-“

“Too late. I know your weakness now. You damn fool, you should never show your weaknesses to anyone.”

“That’s alright, I trust you to not exploit it too much.”

“Ugh... don’t underestimate my pettiness.”

“Please don’t go like… doing stuff with your fingers in council meetings, okay? Felix?”

“What, like using a damn quill?”

Dimitri stared at Felix, gobsmacked and more than a little alarmed. He had sleep in his eye, his hair was a mess, and his breath smelled like stale vodka. He was absolutely gorgeous and so Felix just laughed, bright and unrestrained and almost dizzyingly light. Dimitri stared in wonder, unable to look away for a moment. Felix just looked back, absurdly fond of the ridiculous man next to him. 

These were the kind of worries he would be happy to share with Dimitri till the day they died.

**Author's Note:**

> Ok. Wow. Holy shit. This is the longest fucking thing I've written in my life besides like... academic essays lmao It just started out as emotional smut, my usual, but then I started adding a lot of my thoughts and headcanons regarding how the early stages of their relationship & their dynamics with the rest of the Blue Lions & Byleth. 
> 
> The alternative summary of this was Dimitri fucks the anxiety out of Felix, one of my fave tropes lmao 
> 
> Big shoutout to everyone on twitter that cheered me on while writing this fic or accidentally made me up the ante (you know who are. the rimming is thanks to you shfkfuagfs).
> 
> I know the length pales in comparison to a lot of authors... but this was a monumental effort for me LMAOOO and I'm kinda like mega nervous publishing this, so I would super duper duper appreciate any comments or feedback you may have. Like Dimitri, I’m insatiable. 
> 
> If you ever wanna scream about fraldardydydy with me on twitter, I'm @cntrlvaneau. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed!


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